“My coaching experience with Bob has had a powerful influence on molding my leadership presence, strengthened my tolerance for risk and boosted my self-suppressed confidence. He has transformed me into a leader with the confidence to attack challenges as opposed to retrenching as well as liberated me from my fear of failure. His style of coaching focuses on the core of the individual with deep analysis of circumstances to help one overcome personal challenges.”

Senior Finance Director, Aramark

A Little More Gary Cooper, A Little Less Daffy Duck

Posted on July 7, 2011 by Robert Dickman

My client Jim was in trouble because he couldnʼt get a job. Jim was a skillful consultant with a Ph.D. in psychology, and had been working in the ﬁnancial world as a highly paid advisor to one speciﬁc ﬁrm for almost 10 years. This one client generated more than 90% of his income. He loved his job, and the ﬁrm rewarded his efforts with a steady
stream of work.

Until the board of directors replaced the ﬁrmʼs CEO. The new CEO wanted “a clean slate” — and Jim lost his job.

Jim began scrambling to ﬁnd new consulting gigs. He was getting interviews but no callbacks, and no offers. He hired me to help him ﬁgure out what was going wrong.

When I conducted a mock interview, I noticed one damaging behavior: Jim could not stop talking. Even after something as simple and innocuous as “Why do you want this job?” or “Tell me about yourself,” the torrent began. Jimʼs speech was so rapid ﬁre, itʼs amazing he was able to breathe!

Finally, I gently cut him off and asked if he remembered what my original question had been. He had no memory of why he was talking.

Jim is not alone in this behavior. Leaders are rewarded for taking charge and speaking up. This starts in school, which can seem like a game of “Jeopardy!”—the kid who hits the buzzer ﬁrst, wins the prize. What child gets rewarded for thinking more slowly, deliberating or reﬂecting? And as we grow up, things only get more competitive. Add to this conditioning the additional stress of really wanting to impress the interviewer, and
itʼs easy to see why listening is a dying art.

I asked Jim to rent a few westerns made in the 40ʼs and 50ʼs. I suggested “High Noon” In this ﬁlm Gary Cooper, the local sheriff is confronted with the knowledge that a gang of killers will be coming to his town in a few days. The train will arrive at noon. Cooper tries to recruit others in the town to help him stand up to the bad guys, but everyone turns him down, and he is forced to face the murderous gang alone. Cooperʼs dialogue is
sparse, direct and to the point. His ability to hold the silence makes him powerful. We know that the other characters are weak because they cannot look him in the eye or stop stammering excuses. There is no question he is the hero and the power of his silence proves it.

Lessons to practice when meeting new people, especially in high-stakes situations:

• Become aware of any stress, anxiety, or pressure to impress well before the meeting takes place.
• At the meeting, really listen to the questions being asked. Hold them in your mind for a few seconds before responding.
• If you arenʼt clear on a question, ask for clariﬁcation before you answer.
• If you ﬁnd yourself talking a lot, ask yourself “Why am I talking?”

[These tips should help you avoid this common communication error, and really connect. The next interview Jim had, he talked less, said more—and got the job!]

Or something like this.

Bob has scheduled his next workshop for September 22. Sign up now and take advantage of the early bird discount. And don’t miss out, we had to turn people away from the last workshop! Get all the info here: Finding Your Business Story

You probably will never see this….

Posted on June 21, 2011 by Robert Dickman

I see it everywhere—in clients, friends, even myself: a feeling of being overwhelmed by information. Email, social media, phone calls, coming at them 24 hours a day, every day.

“Did you get my email?”
“Who knows? I get 300 of them a day.”

One client sums it up like this: “I’m being crushed by all this information. It’s gotten so bad that in the morning I dread turning on my computer and seeing how many new messages I’ve gotten. I don’t need any more information. What I need is meaning, context—something that helps me make sense of my world.”

What helps create more meaning? A well-crafted story, grounded in experience. Remember that stories don’t have to be long. Stories can do more than entertain; they inform, educate and inspire. The right story at the right time can change your world for the better. They can help you stand out in our era of too much information.

Come and practice telling your business story at my next workshop on June 30th. Only 2 slots left before the workshop is filled. Grab them here. (http://june-find-your-story.eventbrite.com)

Find Your Story – Early Bird Tickets

Posted on June 2, 2011 by Robert Dickman

There are only two weeks left to get your early bird discount. Sign up now!

Recently Lynda Resnick, the CEO of a two billion dollar conglomerate whose brands include Fiji Water, Teleﬂora, and POM Wonderful, stated the principle behind her success. “I donʼt do companies that donʼt have a story. If they donʼt have a story, they donʼt have a business.”

In this four hour, interactive workshop you will learn to tell a story which…

…makes others care about whatʼs important to you;
…differentiates yourself from your competition;
…speaks to the challenges that face your clients, manager or direct reports;
…transforms trying to convince people into having them see new possibilities;
…enrolls new clients and co-workers.

Past participants in this workshop have included attorneys, accountants, coaches, managers, engineers, entertainment executives, ofﬁcers of non-proﬁts, entrepreneurs, and even actual rocket scientists. It can help you, too!

Business Lessons From An NYPD Homicide Cop

Posted on April 6, 2011 by Robert Dickman

Jerry Giorgio is affectionately called Big Daddy Uptown by his colleagues due to his ability to get confessions from even the most hardened criminals. You might be surprised to learn he doesn’t water board, use a rubber hose, or even resort to verbal abuse. His secret weapon is more powerful; it’s storytelling. “You’ve heard of ‘Good Cop/Bad Cop’ I don’t need the bad cop. I’m always the good cop because deep down everybody wants to tell his or her story. No matter how damaging it is or how important it is to remain quiet, suspects want to tell their story. The secret is to get the suspects talking. The stream of words will eventually flow to the truth.”

If Big Daddy Uptown can get hardened criminals to open up, think how much easier it is for you to get your customers, clients, and managers to open up and tell their story. The urge to tell a story is innate and powerful, it only takes a little coaxing to get most people to start sharing.*

The advantages to getting people to share their story is profound; You learn what they really care about. You discover their concerns and challenges. You understand what’s on their mind and in their hearts. Actively listening to people opens the door to a deeper, longer term relationship. While listening you gain trust and the hidden knowledge to close the deal

So, what can you do to draw someone’s story out? Here are a couple of quick tips:

Ask them three questions:

What’s vital and important for you to accomplish?
What’s getting in your way?
How can I help?

These questions are designed to prompt people to tell their story. Like Big Daddy, be prepared to really listen. You’ll be amazed to discover how much you learn.

Take your communication to the next level with Bob’s Communicating With Passion And Clarity Workshop coming May 19th.

If the above link isn’t working copy and paste the following into your browser: http://firstvoice-may19-11.eventbrite.com/

*Source material from “The Dark Art of Interrogation” by Mark Boden, published in The Atlantic Monthly

Franz vs The Ripper

Posted on July 23, 2009 by Robert Dickman

The first time I saw Franz he was huddled in a corner of his office. He was a big man dressed in an expensive black suit. His long blond hair was pulled back into a ponytail. His face was downcast. He seemed to be looking at his flashy hand made boots but then I realized he wasn’t looking at anything. He looked depressed and he admitted that he was scared. In less than 3 days he would be face to face with the CEO of his company. And his boss had acquired the nickname of “The Ripper” because he was known to gut companies faster than a fisherman could gut a bass.

Franz was a brilliant Austrian car designer, who had developed an innovative idea that could help save his struggling company. I had been hired to help him deliver his idea to his stressed out boss and at the moment the odds of success looked dim.

The more nervous Franz became the more information he added to his slide deck. His talk was titled: The Reflective Properties of Luminous Electric Cells and their Integration into Vehicular Design and ran 50 minutes in length. He wanted to go longer but thought he should devote 10 minutes for questions He had amassed over 30 slides of charts and graphs. Here are a few of the more interesting slide topics:

* Demographics and Psycho graphics of Potential Users
* The Role of Luminous Light on Sight
* The Historic Roots of Light as Crime Deterrent

I told Franz that if he gave that presentation it was unlikely that he would succeed and he could get fired.

Then I asked Franz one question. "Where did you get your idea?"

Franz got defensive and said “it was not relevant” I challenged, cajoled and played the devils advocate until he realized that if there were any chance of success he had to tell his story.

Here it is:

“I was flying all night from Los Angeles to Heathrow. I arrived early in the morning and rented a car. I drove to an unfamiliar part of town. I didn’t finish until 10:00 PM. I was tired, hungry and disoriented. I had forgotten where I had parked my car and in fact I couldn’t remember what kind of car I rented. The parking garage was old with bad lighting. Lights flickered on and off at every level. I kept wandering around looking for my car. I got worried that someone was going to hit me on the head.”

“Finally, I found my car. As I was driving back to the hotel I got this idea: Wouldn’t it be great if I had a button on my key chain and when I pressed it my car could be illuminated in light. Not only could I find my car but I would know that nobody was hiding in the shadows near my car. When I got back to my hotel room I made a few notes.”

When the CEO heard Franz’s story he said “OK, what else do you have for me?” Franz was puzzled and asked did “OK” mean yes or no to his idea? The CEO smiled and said “Yes Franz” that’s a good idea and let’s move forward with it.” That OK meant that a $57 million dollar project just got a green light.

Franz’s story moved the CEO to take action because it allowed him to feel what its like to be in another’s shoes. He felt what millions of women feel when they’re tired and vulnerable at night and all they want to do is safely find their way home.

And that’s what a good story can do.

How Stories Build Relationships

Posted on July 9, 2009 by Robert Dickman

"It is my simple mission to help everyone in our company understand the power of a relationship. In almost every account we have ever lost, it is due to the fact that we lost touch with the relationship." These words were spoken by a coaching client of mine, Barbara. She has recently been promoted to regional VP at a Fortune 100 company and her words should resonate with every person who wants to be successful.

Barbara is a business warrior who has learned that taking a little extra time with her clients over dinner insures her of a more successful relationship. “When I am at the dinner table I make it a point not to focus only on business. I find out what’s important to my clients. What has meaning for them? What are their life goals? And what keeps them up at night?” Barbara builds and nurtures these relationships by being interested in her clients’ stories. “I do this because I know it builds trust.” Barbara is a fierce competitor when up against a tough opponent. She knows how to win and her use of storytelling is both pragmatic and effective. But why does her strategy work?

Resent brain research finds that the human brain is not so much a “thinking brain” but a relationship making brain. Dr. Herald Guther who leads the Dept. of Neurobiology at the Psychiatric Clinic of Gottingen, Germany says, “Until quite recently, it was held to be self-evident that human beings have a big brain to make it possible for them to think. However, the research results of the last years have made it clear that the structure and function of the human brain is especially optimized for building relationships. Our brain is thus much more a social organ than it is a thinking organ.” He goes on to say that a powerful way humans build relationships is by sharing stories.

Here are five tips for using story to build relationships:
* Tell an authentic story. One that exposes a vulnerability or foible.
* Tell a story that you are passionate about. For example, your child hit her first home run; how you actually saved your client money by helping them overcome a problem.
* Tell a story of overcoming an obstacle. For example, you always had a fear of drowning but you overcame it during your rafting trip down the Colorado; you used to hate public speaking but you discovered you liked it when you learned how to rehearse first.
* Be sure to describe what lesson you learned from the event that helped you change.
* Include how you’re different now than before the event; think of this as “old you” and “new you.”

Stories build relationships by helping prospective clients see you as more than the title of “financial planner” or “tax attorney.” Authentic stories help you become a real breathing human being. Sharing stories establishes a common ground of trust and there is little question that clients turn to those they trust, especially when times are tough.

Brain vs. Brawn

Posted on May 2, 2009 by Robert Dickman

"It is my simple mission: to help everyone in our company understand the power of a relationship. In almost every account we have ever lost, if we look back it is due to somewhere along the way we lost touch with the relationship."

These words were written by a coaching client of mine, Barbara, She has recently been promoted to regional VP at a fortune 100 company and her words resonate with the truth of experience. Barbara is a warrior who loves to move into the trenches with her people and get up close and personal when helping them solve problems. Barbara builds relationships not because she is nice, kind, and compassionate. She actually is all of those things. She builds and nurtures relationships because she uses her brain. Barbara is a pragmatic warrior who has been through countless battles with competitors, clients and upper management. Her philosophy of relationship building is based on what works. Her strategy will beat out more aggressive, brutish approaches over the long haul every time. But why does her strategy work?

Resent brain research suggests that the human brain is not so much a “thinking brain” but a relationship making brain. Dr. Gerald Huther, who leads the Dept. of Neurobiology at the Psychiatric Clinic of Gottingen, Germany, says “Until quite recently, it was held to be self-evident that human beings have a big brain to make it possible for them to think. However, the research results of the last years have made it clear that the structure and function of the human brain is especially optimized for building relationships. Our brain is thus much more a social organ than it is a thinking organ.”

Our brain has evolved over millions of years and our closest ancestors, the great apes, have much to teach us. Apes will fight and even kill members of other tribes who try to invade their territory. However, when scientists observe these animals in the wild they report that for the majority of time these animals spend much more time cooperating then fighting. Great apes have learned that building relationships increases the chance of success for all members of the community. By cooperating and specializing on essential tasks like food gathering, rearing the young and watching for dangerous invaders, they all benefit.

Barbara is using her brain when she pays attention to building these interpersonal networks and she reminds her team that relationships take constant attention. She knows that especially in times of stress, building and strengthening relationships will win out over blame and got’cha behavior every time.

Shut Up & Shut Down

Posted on February 20, 2009 by Robert Dickman

I was young and this
was a nightmare job. Bosses stealing
from each other. Contracts written
painstakingly to deceive customers.
Everyone had secrets, and no one was talking. One day my boss called me
into his office and shut the door. He
asked me whether a key client I had been handling was going to sign a big
contract. I told him I didn’t know. He
reached slowly into his desk drawer and pulled his hand out in the shape of a
gun. Pointing his finger at my head he
said, “Bam you’re dead. I used to keep a
.38 in there. I guess this is your lucky
day.” He wasn’t smiling. I quit the next
day but that was after a year and a half of abuse.

What was my part in
this story? How come I did nothing for so long? Well like the lobster who keeps
adjusting to the raising temperature until its too late I couldn’t find my
voice and say “that’s not acceptable.”

If I could have been
my own coach I would suggest an elemental diagnosis as described in our book The Elements of Persuasion. I would have
diagnosed the problem as a lack of earth. Next I would reflect on the physical
sensations, emotional feelings and negative voices in my head occurring when
confronting my boss. For instance one voice in my head was resigned and kept
telling me “This is how bosses behave, so get used to it.” The more resigned I
was the more my boss pushed and bullied me. By not speaking up I was telling
him the non-verbal story that I was a pushover. I needed to put my roots down and
realize that other opportunities would come my way. I could do better.

My belief is that you
don’t have to linger for years in bad situations. Have the confidence to tell a
new story to your bully. Speak your mind. But first pay careful attention to
your body, emotions and the voices in your head.

Hunker in the Bunker

Posted on January 28, 2009 by Robert Dickman

A number of my clients are just plain scared. They see the results of a decelerating world economy 20 x a day. The news is bleak .My clients understandably react by wanting to hunker down and do less. Or they become agitated and aggressive and want to blame and fight. These behaviors will probably not produce the results they seek.

A more successful story comes from social scientist Robert Axelrod, who developed a game called “The Prisoner’s Dilemma Game. Players are asked to make a simple choice to cooperate or compete with each other. One might think that relentless competition would win the day but in fact the most successful strategy is called tit-for-tat. Here the first player opens with a cooperative move. If the second player competes the first player punishes with a competitive move of her own. However if the second player switches back to cooperation so does the first player. After having tens of thousands of people play the game Axelrod concludes that cooperation or “tit for tat” wins more money for both players than competitive self-interest.

In these tough times aggressive or hunker in the bunker behavior will not lead to greater success. What works is communicating and connecting with more people. Reach out to competitors and friends alike. Listen to their problems and weave stories of mutual cooperation.

ANTI SLEAZE

Posted on October 7, 2008 by Richard Maxwell

What do you do when your opponent consciously decides to
stir things up by launching attacks that are just this side of inciting a lynch
mob? Or, because on this blog politics is viewed as a test bed for broader
communications strategies, your company’s chief competitor launches a viral
rumor campaign against your flagship product?

The best response is a calm and trusted voice that can set
things right. It could be a CEO who steps forward (the Japanese are
particularly adroit at that) but an endorsement from an outsider whose
voice is broadly trusted by your target
audience is much, much better.

This radio ad, running now in the battle ground state of
Virginia, is a micotargeting
masterpiece. And the music in the background ain’t half bad neither. Don’t miss it.

A very big thanks to Kathy G or at The G-Spot for putting
this up. Click over to her website and check it out. She has a lot more of Ralph Stanley’s music posted. My
favorite? “Man of Constant Sorrow” which pretty much covers how many folks will
be feeling when they open up that envelop and see their 401K statement latter this
month.

First Voice

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